Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
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I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
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I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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