So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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