'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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