So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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