Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
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