He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
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Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
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