remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
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I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I didn't notice because vodka
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
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I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
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