some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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