You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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