Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
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We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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