When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
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I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
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Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
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