So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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