yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
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