Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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