I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize