I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
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I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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