My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
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Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
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I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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