I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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