oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
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