Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
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I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
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It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
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