I got chris browned last night
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
We need to rekindle our bromance
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
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