Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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