Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish they made helmets for livers.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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