Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize