You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
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The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
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Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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