well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
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