You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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