do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I feel great
I just peed on a car
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
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There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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