YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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