I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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