oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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