I faked an abortion last night.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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