Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
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i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
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I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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