i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
COCAINE IS GR8
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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