you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
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I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
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Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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