Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize