it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
it's like iHOP with fire
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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