I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize