I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
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He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
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And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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