He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
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Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
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Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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