Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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