just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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