does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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