I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
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her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
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siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
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