And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Someone shattered a urinal.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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