News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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