i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Everything about him screamed your future.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
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last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
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Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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