the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
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I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I will be naked everywhere
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
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Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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