hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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