Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
My vagina just recognized that song.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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